Just An Old Magazine
by Sable Supernova
Summary: Remus and Sirius discover that one of them posed for Playwitch many years ago, and drama ensues. One-shot. Probably crack.


_Written for the Weekly Weird Prompt thing, for the following prompts:_

 _[character] posed for Playwitch/Playwizard magazine. Years later, [character]'s current significant other finds out that [character] had posed for the dirty magazine._

 _\- dialogue: "What if the children find out?"_

 _\- Sirius as one half of your pairing._

 _\- "It seemed like the thing to do at the time." (2 pts)_

 _\- "Domestic violence is not the answer!" (3 pts)_

 _\- broken glass (1 pt)_

 _\- someone throwing objects in anger (2 pts)_

 _\- red (1 pt)_

 _\- "I never knew you were such a pervert." (2 pts)_

 _\- "That's a little harsh, isn't it?" (3 pts)_

 _\- crystalline (5 pts)_

 _\- house elf (2 pts)_

 **I don't even know what this is. Seriously. Blame Lamia for the competition :P I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"You come here so often, why don't you bring some of your stuff?" Sirius asked with a smile, looking over the breakfast table at Remus.

"Well, actually, I wanted to talk to you about that," Remus replied, staring fixedly at his boiled egg and not at Sirius. "Since I lost my job at Hogwarts, I've been struggling with my rent, and I, er, got an eviction notice yesterday."

Sirius looked concerned for a moment before he broke into his old characteristic grin.

"Well then, you have to move in here," he commented, gesturing around the tired old kitchen.

Remus looked up at him and smiled weakly. "No I don't, really. It's not like there aren't other options. I wouldn't want to impose."

Sirius sighed as he eyed his lover. "Okay, so you don't _have_ to move in, it's not a rule, but I want you to. Don't for a second think you'd be imposing. You know I love having you around. This place gets lonely without you," he replied, knowing Remus' ways. He wanted Remus around more than anything, but he didn't want to force his feelings onto the other man.

"You really want me here?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius with sincerity.

"Yes."

* * *

It was a week later when they opened the Floo link, and Remus passed his boxes through from his old flat to Sirius in the living room at Grimmauld Place. They made quick work of it, working together, and it wasn't long before Remus was following his belongings through, leaving his old flat for the last time. He arrived face to face with a smiling Sirius and cast his eyes over the boxes in the middle of the room. He narrowed his eyes as he noticed how little he had, when it was all piled up in front of him like that, and he felt a little sad. It was a sore reminder of a life lived from one house to another, from one job to the next, always ready to move on at the drop of a hat.

But he shook the thought off and smiled at Sirius. Today was not the day for bitterness; today was a day to be happy, and so he would be. He walked towards Sirius, and as he did, Sirius turned to him and opened his arms. Remus gladly accepted the gesture, falling in to strong arms and an intoxicating aroma. He sighed heavily before bringing his lips up to meet his partner's. The desire struck them both at the same time.

As Sirius left a trail of kisses along Remus' jawline, Remus said, "I should unpack."

"Tomorrow," came the gruff, strained reply.

* * *

When tomorrow came, Remus woke to the smell of coffee and an empty bed. Sirius always was an early riser. He forced himself up and picked his clothes up from where they'd been left on the floor.

He headed straight to the kitchen, expecting to find Sirius in there nursing a mug and a bowl of cereal. He found only a half-drunk coffee and an empty bowl. He thought nothing of it, then, and put the kettle back on so he could make himself a morning cup. He began to search the cupboards for his favourite mug.

"Remus?" came Sirius' voice from the living room, sounding a little uncertain.

"Yeah?" Remus called out distractedly.

"Come in here a sec." Remus left the kettle to boil and did as his lover asked.

Stepping into the living room, he found the boxes were not where they were left. Some had been moved, one was empty, and another was open in the middle of the room. Apprehension caught in the back of Remus' throat. Sirius was stood in the middle of the room, his back to the doorway, looking down at something in his hands. Remus stopped where he was. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what Sirius had found.

"What's going on?" Remus asked.

"I thought I'd help you unpack before you woke up," Sirius replied, his back still to Remus, his voice monotone.

"And?" Remus asked, wondering what the problem was.

Only then did Sirius turn around, holding up the object that had so captured his attention. The kettle was long forgotten as Remus stared at the copy of _Playwitch_ he'd forgotten he even had. There, on the front cover with a mocking grin, was his younger self in nothing but a pair of red briefs.

"What's this?" Sirius asked. Remus had never felt so ashamed.

"I'm sorry. It seemed like the thing to do at the time," Remus responded.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked, his voice raising. Remus understood his anger. It was tantamount to betrayal.

"They offered me two hundred galleons! I was eighteen, Sirius, it was a long time ago. Tell me you wouldn't have done the same," Remus reasoned.

"Like what _I_ would have done at eighteen holds any sway. I was an idiot at eighteen! You weren't! You had sense!" Sirius shouted back. Remus looked away, unable to meet his lover's eye.

"It's just a picture, Sirius, it doesn't mean anything."

"How can you say that? Think of the children! What if the children find out?" Sirius asked, a vein throbbing in his neck as he fixed Remus with a pointed steel-eyed stare.

"We don't have any children!" Remus was shouting now, too, unable to comprehend Sirius' extreme reaction.

"I know we don't have any fucking children! But children come here! They visit! They stay! What if Harry found this? Or Hermione? Or _Ginny_? What the hell would they think?" Sirius retorted.

"Then we burn it so they don't find it!"

"And that'll make it all okay, will it? We burn this one copy and it never existed?" Sirius' eyes were bulging, and Remus began to feel fearful. He hadn't seen Sirius so emotional since… well, since before.

"No, of course it doesn't," Remus replied with a sigh.

"Tell me, was selling your soul worth a few months' rent?" Sirius questioned, demanding an answer.

"That's a little harsh, isn't it?" Remus asked, and the flicker of guilt that appeared in Sirius' eyes told Remus that he was right. Sirius knew how hard things had been for Remus back then, how many months he spent searching for a job, refusing to accept money from his friends for his bills.

"So fucking what?" Sirius asked, suddenly moving from the spot he had been rooted to so he could pick up a vase and throw it at the wall. It had been his mother's favourite vase, many years ago, with a crystalline shine and intricate swirls blown in to make a fragile pattern. It shattered on contact with the wall, broken glass bouncing back and showering the room with dazzling reflections. For a moment Remus thought it beautiful before the look in Sirius' eye brought him back to the moment.

"Domestic violence is not the answer!" he shouted at his lover, hoping to break through to him.

Kreacher suddenly appeared in the room, awoken from his usual catatonic state by the rude interruption of the smashing glass.

"What has the lazy blood traitor boy done now?" Kreacher screeched, running to the scene of the crime, ignoring the men as he set about cleaning, muttering obscenities under his breath. The unexpected house elf seemed to bring Sirius back down to earth a little and both men found themselves standing in silence, staring at the crumpled magazine that now lay on the floor between them.

"I suppose you were kind of hot at eighteen," Sirius finally said, and Remus couldn't help but smile.

"Why, I never knew you were such a pervert," Remus joked, hoping to lighten the mood.

Sirius sighed and shook his head before breaking out into a reluctant grin.

"Yeah, you did," he said.

The pair hesitantly made their way over to each other, both wanting each other more than they wanted the argument. As they wrapped their arms around each other in a truce, Remus cleared his throat.

"Can we still burn it?"


End file.
